…Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
(Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV)
A certain section in Ephesians 5 has gotten a lot of attention over the
years because of what it says about the roles of the husband and wife in
marriage…and the apostle Paul is certainly teaching about those things- how
each spouse is called to model the likeness of Christ, whether in submission or
in leading. But something else is going on there in his instruction- something bigger than the roles
of two people living together and loving one another for the rest of their
lives. God wants us to see that marriage has a higher purpose- it points us to
something bigger than ourselves. It’s a picture of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
God’s
desire in your marriage is to use each of you as His primary tool to make your
spouse more holy- to be THE person who sacrifices self for the good of the other. As
a wife, you are called to humble submission, just as Jesus joyfully submitted
to His Father for the good of His church- setting aside His own glory. As a
husband, you are called to servant leadership. Just as Jesus gave His life for
the good of His bride, to make her holy, so you are to give your life for
your bride.
Both of you
are called to sacrifice. But what God wants you to see as you sacrifice for one
another is that in your mutual
self-giving…is mutual gain. You both gain as you lay down your life for the
other. You gain a best friend; You gain an intimate lover; You gain a trusted
counselor. Because two become one flesh, as you sacrifice and love your spouse,
you profit and love yourself. But
even larger than that, God’s mission is to use this life-long commitment to
grow you together toward Christ-likeness. Marriage, then, is a work of grace.
The flaws
and sinful tendencies that each of you have will be the very things that the
Lord will use to teach you compassion, patience, and bearing another’s burdens.
It’s a mysterious work of grace that your
weaknesses will make you and your
partner stronger. Even the most
challenging days that are in front of you will be a gift from God to transform
you both into the image of His Son, Jesus. Nothing will be wasted as your
hearts draw closer together, and become more like His. You are instruments in your Redeemer’s Hands
to model and display the glory of Jesus Christ and His Gospel, as you shape
each other into your future selves in
the Kingdom of Christ.
Tim Keller sets this truth in
front of us beautifully in his book, The
Meaning of Marriage:
“When two
Christians who fully understand this stand before the minister all decked out
in their wedding finery, they realize they’re not just playing dress up. What
they’re saying is that someday they are going to be standing not before the
minister but before The Lord. And they will turn to see each other without spot
and blemish. And they hope to hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servants. Over the years you have lifted one
another up to me. You sacrificed for one another. You held one another up with
prayer and with thanksgiving. You confronted each other. You rebuked each
other. You hugged and loved each other and continually pushed each other toward
Me. And now look at you. You’re radiant.” Romance, sex, laughter, and
plain fun are the by-products of this process of sanctification, refinement,
glorification. Those things are important, but they can’t keep the marriage
going through years and years of ordinary life. What keeps the marriage going is your commitment to your spouse’s holiness…
That’s your job as a spouse. Any
lesser goal than that, any smaller purpose, and you’re just playing at being
married.”
Husbands and Wives, that’s your goal as you begin this journey
together- sacrificing yourself for the other’s holiness, just as Christ has
done for you.
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